Entry #09 – Endless thoughts.

Date: 5/3/2019
Time: 4:38pm
Location: University office


FREAKING OUT.

Well, just a little bit. It’s been on my mind every day that I won’t be in Hawai’i for the next two years. I’m confirming a lot of my travel notifications, getting my insurance squared away and just making sure that I have everything together.

No one get’s it quite together in any particular crunch time, but for the most part, we’re able to get it done. It’s that kind of instance you wonder how you even made it through this sort of experience.

Ready or not, I’m going to cry…

tears of joy :^) as I find my way on my new destination towards the mainland. I’m meeting with a whole assortment of people, and in those short hours that I will be there where we will be debriefing and going over the over-arching details of the Peace Corps.

I’ll be getting used to more things than just the Peace Corps, it’s cultural assimilation, identity crisis, conflict of ideas, a position of saliency, and a name much higher to uphold than my own; this country. It’s a lot of mental weight to carry, but I guess the bigger issues aren’t centered on taking on any one particular issue, it’s the entire package.

Who are the people I’m going to meet? I’m sure everyone I meet is going to be a superstar, a person that has already gone on multiple excursions abroad, went backpacking through the himalayas and started a water purifying system somewhere in Vietnam.

At least, that what I always imagine.

What about your identity, Josh?

I’m a person that likes making things. I’ll just leave most of it up to that, because I don’t really know how to introduce myself, without putting myself in a box that I don’t want to be in. I don’t want to be just an artist, or businessman, or whatever, I just want to be me.

That’s always the coolest thing to be.

At least that’s what all the kids say, with their hipster tech backpack, customized keyboard, and custom wooden watch that they carved themselves. Don’t forget the rings that they forged on their own in their backyard using charcoal and YouTube.

I think I’m a pretty decent person, with a matching personality, but I always wonder what other people in the Peace Corps are like. Are they just as odd or weird as I am? Or just normal people that will make me look like the kid they question: “how did he get accepted?”

All of these things go in to my mind, and the funniest part are the own endings that I fabricate on my own. Some endings have me being the true role model in my imaginary world, and some make me realize how ill prepared I really am.

…are all of your journal posts going to be like this.

Well, yeah.

MY SITE MY POSTS. Writing is for the sake of exercising my thoughts so when it comes time to work and put my foot down, my mind is sorted and ready for action. Calm and collected action. The caffeiene usally is drained out of my system after writing. Haha.

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