Entry #11: Panic! In my dreams.

Date: 5/6/2019
Time: 9:36pm
Location: Home


From the last dream that I had I recall that I had a moped in my dream.

I’ve never driven a moped in my life, haha. I kind of got a hint that it was dream, while I was dreaming, but I was too immersed in it while I was asleep. Anyways. The dream was set in this musky, sort of city area. The landscape was this burgundy red that was plagued with smoke and musk. It wasn’t the friendliest place to be in. Estimating the time, probably around 5pm.

I had just parked my moped outside of a shop, but knowing that I was in a shady place I was skeptical that I should leave my bike outside, unlocked, while I was inside getting a quick bite to eat. It was a simple thought, why don’t I just go and lock up my bike? I have no idea why I didn’t even try to lock my bike away as I knew I would be gone away from it, within a place in town where frantic thieves are more than willing to take all of my stuff.

For some reason, I decided to walk away, and trust that no one would take my things. Why I thought people were going to be trustworthy, I don’t know. I walk away for 5 seconds, and instantly like clockwork, I hear my bike being started and driven off in to the gloomy streets of my dream.

I woke up with disappointment: why did I even do that? What kind of bike owner was I?

It got me thinking throughout the whole day because I thought about how easy it is to get careless about my stuff. I was having a life lesson right before my eyes, playing like a mind movie replaying over and over, and it all came from the anxiousness I’m having from having my stuff stolen in Uganda.

I did end up buying locks for my suitcases and everything, but still, things will get stolen and I’m just trying to prepare for things to go awry. I’m not particularly pessimistic, but I know that at some point, things are just not going to go the way I want it to. I guess that’s the whole flexibility thing that I’ll need to continue to exercise while I’m out in a new country.

There are so many things I don’t even know what to expect, you know, like what is it going to be like for me? As person of color, I have been met with resistance in the past. It was a weird experience to say the least, it’s not that people were particularly mean to me or anything, I was just treated differently. It was literally as simple as that. A simple scan of my face, my body, or anything and an instant judgement is made.

More or less, the way I’ve dealt with these kinds of things is through the understanding of multiple perspectives, but there are some days where I just feel out of place. I’m not hoping that I’ll be fitting in 100%, it might be a little too comfortable and unreal haha, but I’m hoping that I can earn my place as a Peace Corps Volunteer while I am away from my home. It’s always a fear I have because of who I am and what I look like, but being aware of it has made a powerful difference that has gotten me this far.

Let’s hope we can continue that trend.

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