Entry #18: Are you ready?

Date: 5/18/2019
Time: 9:44pm
Location: busy home


Got a letter from one of my best friends, brother is doing well.

It felt kind of silly today, but I was watching Black Panther with my cousins today and I’ve watched the movie before, but the last time I was watching the movie, flying to Africa was the last thing on my mind. Things have obviously changed haha.

I didn’t imagine that I was going to be in this position now, but as I was watching the movie and watching the scenes go by, although I’m not sure which region it was actually filmed at, I was getting an adrenaline rush. My heart started beating faster and my breathing was a little more shallow. I’m not really sure if it was a good or bad thing haha.

These last two weeks are going to fly right on by. I’m getting ready to pack and everything and gathering the last bit of the stuff I wanted to buy, mostly clothes. I wanted to get more business casual things before I leave.


I didn’t quite explain what happened in one of the pictures I had posted, me being tied up and all, haha. It was my going-away party.

Leaving.

It was quite a long day that day. Setting up at my sister’s house and having to prep all kinds of food with my parents, it was just like the old days where I would have to help my mom cook with my sisters. We’d be there peeling away the layers for my mom’s lumpia and after that we’d just go play.

There were a lot more people coming to this going-away party than I thought haha. A bunch of my autnies and uncles, cousins, and a lot more friends than I had expected. It was all really nice to see everyone and looking back at it from a week ago, I couldn’t be happier to have the company around. All of these faces, all of these people coming to visit at least one more time before I go.

I mean, I wouldn’t miss “me” that much if I was only leaving for two years, after all. Haha.

Still though, I’m not really sure what I should be thinking or feeling.

“Are you ready?…”

Probably one of the most common questions I get from my friends and family, or practically from anyone that knows I’m leaving for the Peace Corps.

No, I’m not ready. And I don’t think I will ever be “ready.”

I’m not ready to leave everyone even though I’ve known about my departure months in advance. I’m not ready to move on and lose some of the friendships I have simply because it’ll just be that much harder to communicate with everyone. I’m not even sure what ready is supposed to be.

But, of course, I can’t go around telling people that! It’s the honest answer though. I don’t think anyone will be “truly” ready for this kind of experience. Even veterans in Peace Corps wouldn’t be 100% ready for this experience. Just saying this out loud: “I’m going to Africa.” is a heavy statement.

Lots of people would say I’m crazy for going, or brave, or amazing… but I’d tell them to tell me that when I come back. I haven’t left yet after all haha.

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